ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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