dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
