She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
