Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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