So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize