I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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