He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
