i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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