I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
