I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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