OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
