It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
