No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
only you would photoshop your dick
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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