I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
