i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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