i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
