You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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