ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
