Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
