But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found your dick twin last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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