I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
