the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
