so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
