Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
