just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize