dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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