I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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