How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
