Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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