This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
