Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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