Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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