I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
