I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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