i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
