if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
