If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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