I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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