As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
