This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
