its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
