Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
