A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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