I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize