You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my liver is dry heaving
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
