if you like me you must not know who I am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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