am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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