I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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