Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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