foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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