My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
