I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
