1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
