something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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