He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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