Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
