Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
time to smoke my breakfast
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
