New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
