Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
