return my video game
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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