not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
